outsourcing karma

Its not everyday that I feel...ansy. Its also not everyday that I want to talk about it. I am different. I'm talking about my experiences, my upbringing, my actions and their consequences. I have often referred to past events to prove short comings of mine as inevitable. I also rely on completely different sources of energy to drive me. I had friends. Then I didn't. Then I did. Now..I guess I do?

I have grown a lot in some ways, in others I have not, and in others I am ahead of my age. Sometimes, I fear arrogance or pride in me. I need to stay humble, but I hate it when people stay away from me or when they get too close even though they don't click with me. I have done my fair share of wrongs like every human in this world...but why I exhaust myself trying to fix drama and stuff beyond my control when my energies are better spent elsewhere. I bewilder myself. Maybe everything in life is too black and white for me. Maybe I apply logical patterns to life events?

This is me learning about me. Quite the irony eh?